Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

The corruption of minors.

8 Comments

Been a crazy busy week so far in the Land of the Torn – and it’s only Tuesday afternoon!

I have been meaning to do a brief post on this for a couple of days, and it’s looking less and less likely that I will get in front of a big screen for anything other than paid work. So here I am, resorting to picking out a  brief description of what my youngest daughter, D15,  reported to me after her long cafe shift at the weekend – on my phone, whilst esconced in an armchair in the law library! Heck, I thought I’d left law libraries behind nearly thirty years ago, but is busy in the general university library. 

So, here goes.

On Mother’s Day, apparently D was going about her waitressing business as per usual, when her first school teacher came in……..with her daughter – skankola. Mrs M chatted away (nervously,  she knows) with D whilst her skanky offspring remained completely silent.  D said she wanted to hoick a big greasy phlegm ball into her latte, which she never even thanked her for.  I asked D if she was okay, and if she delayed telling me to spare my feelings.  She said she was fine,  a bit disgusted, and that maybe that was true about sparing me. I hugged her and told her she did well and that it was shitty that at fifteen she had to be put in that situation, thanks again, Dad.

I mentioned this to her father later on. He actually, no fucking kidding, laughed and said, “oh, she won’t even have remembered her.” I just looked at him in disgust and quietly said, “okay, that is why she told me, she had NO IDEA who she was, fucktard (actually the last word was only in my head) she spent a lot of time looking after/trying to manage/putting up with her little shit of a son. Of course she’s forgotten all about her.” 

Then I turned and continued reading my work.

Fucktard. Dickwad. Dipshit. 

Yeah.  It’s forgotten.  These kids will never forget what you did. They will never love the way they once might have. They will never fully respect you the way they used to before you fucked a filthy whore. Much the same as their mother. It’s not forgotten. That isn’t how it works, dumbass!

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8 thoughts on “The corruption of minors.

  1. Stupid is as stupid does and boy are our husband’s stupid!!

    So sorry your daughter had to go through that and even sorrier that your husband found it amusing. There is NOTHING amusing about infidelity and if there is then its probably a joke best shared with another betrayed spouse, because only another betrayed spouse can really understand what you are going thro, can laugh with you and cry for you!

    It really pisses me off when my husband finds anything remotely amusing about our situation… he laughed a lot in the beginning but that was mostly due to being completely and utterly fucking embarrassed by what he had done!! Now when he does it I just wanna smash his head in!! Maybe if your daughter had confronted your husband about what happened and how she felt, then maybe he would have realized how all this is affecting everyone in your family.

    There’s nothing superficial about affairs, they become deeply rooted in our lives and those of our family members and the longer they go on for, the deeper the roots and the harder they are to fully eradicate, if that’s even possible!

    Hugs to you and especially to your daughter xx

  2. All true, PW. He is not usually one to dismiss this shit. And isn’t amused by any of it, never has been. But he did this time. I am so far removed from him now it wasn’t even worth a proper discussion. I know it will come up again when I have time to address it fully. The kids don’t talk to him about this shit. It’s been five years.
    But it never goes away.

  3. I guess he’s sticking his head in the sand, huh? Five years is just a blip in the space/time continuum, seems like it happened yesterday for adults. And to a teenager, it’s ⅓ of their life, but their memories work just fine.

    Sigh…men!

    • I had a “chat” with him last night. I must say, before I go into that, my description of him “laughing” was probably slightly exaggerated, more like a wry smile and a half snort really.

      So last night I realised that although he has been really good in so many ways, he really STILL doesn’t fully seem to own the damage to the kids. He loves to trot out, “oh they’re fine, how often do you think they think about it?” And I realised that because his background is cold and his parents are still married, whereas I had warm, mutually loving parents, who divorced, I KNOW it affects kids. Hey, it’s not a disaster, but it has effects. He is in some kind of denial about that. I guess it’s the anti-blame your parents for everything mentality, which I get. I just said to him that I wasn’t accusing him of ruining their lives, but deny as much as you like, IT HAS PERMANENT EFFECTS. And it is undeniable. He was mad, but denied he was. I know no one likes the finger pointed at them, but I feel he needs to own this part. He refuses to. After all the good stuff he’s done, that undermines so much of it. Gah!

  4. Roger is generally one of those rare ones who gets it… sad that he cannot see this, though I understand not wanting to admit that you’ve scarred your own children. He probably doesn’t know how to admit it without crushing his ability to function, but I understand what you mean about how undermining that is.

    My kids were all adults when they found out – I had them very close together and they were all in their early 20’s – and they grieved hard over it.

    In our case, Daniel has tried but cannot get away from the consequences of his affair on our children. My son has not forgiven Daniel yet. He regularly asks Daniel how things are going with Mom, and if Daniel is properly taking care of me now. I doubt he will ever completely let Daniel off the hook. He has also said he has no desire to be in a romantic relationship anytime in the foreseeable future. He has turned into an over-the-top workaholic.

    My oldest daughter tries to smooth things over in the family all the time, but acts out her pain and fear with her own husband, and my second daughter rebels against everything Daniel believes in. So sad – they are all immensely successful in their careers, but each has had problems in their personal lives since they found out about Daniel’s affair.

    I do my best to help them move forward so that they can have good marriages and families at some point. That is one of the driving forces in my life now. If I turn into a bitter old woman, that will have an effect on them, too. With or without Daniel, that is not going to happen.

    Thinking of you and praying for you, Paula – DJ

  5. Thanks tempted and DJ. Tempted, no. I, and we have talked with them. They all said they were fine. They still say they are. And they are. What I guess I mean is not that their lives are ruined, just that these experiences are tainting. No question. As are other experiences in our lives. I would find them a shrink if I thought it was needed or if they asked. I don’t think it is a big deal. I just wish he acknowledged it I guess.

    DJ, I am so sorry the kids are hurting in their own ways. I agree about the incentive they provide to us to live as well as we possibly can. So important as I think I would struggle more without them to make me lift my game!

  6. Oh, this post makes me sad. The innocent children, not as innocent any more. What a bitch. Of course she didn’t remember your daughter because she never gave a shit about her in the first place. It still burns me up to think of my husband’s crazy other woman even speaking my son’s name out loud to me on the phone. I’m glad she did because it knocked me out of my stupor long enough to hang up on the bitch.

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