We have had a funny few days here in the Land of the Torn. It is a long weekend here, and usually we go to our lake house. However, our youngest daughter was to work her cafe job both Saturday and Sunday, and she is fundraising for a trip in September to Japan, so I committed to staying around to be her driver. She is not yet old enough to get her driver’s licence and the cafe is over half an hour away. I used the opportunity to submit a university assignment, and complete another, so win all round really. Our eldest daughter is moving to a city about six hours’ drive from here next weekend, and I am driving her there, so I needed to get ahead of the game.
Roger got a bit weird, and a bit shitty about this. He and I started to have a conversation this morning. He accused me of never wanting to do anything, and I defended myself by saying I was putting D15 first this weekend. I also mentioned that I thought he was going to the lake alone. He got defensive and said no one wanted to come with him, to which I replied that had never stopped him in the past. He thought I was alluding to the fact that he went down there “alone” a couple of times, ostensibly to go fishing with a friend who lives nearby, but in reality, his whore drove the four hours to spend the night with him – twice. I wasn’t referring to this, but he knows that the bach is a trigger, one I have fought hard these past five years, as we designed, built, painted, decorated and loved that place before he defiled it. It was the place he fucked her first, and the place he knew was safe to fuck her again later. I burned the original linen, but have never been able to afford to change anything else much. I refuse to give her the power to defile what I worked so damn hard to build!
So, later today, I suggested we needed to go for a walk down the farm to have a kind discussion (refer to previous post….;-) ) He eventually agreed. The upshot is, we had a frank …… and kind ….. discussion about what we are trying to achieve here, what the timeframe looks like before we split our assets and go our separate ways. How we are going to achieve this without imploding all we worked for into two too-small piles for either of us, or our children. One of the things I brought up was that when we have these types of conversations, he never refers to what happens to the children. Heck, we only have two and a half more years of any dependent children, but they still need support even at uni, and if we have to move the separation date forward, where will our youngest live, where will I live, where will she go to school, all of the logistical stuff. It is top of my list, and he never considers it. Funny that, makes you realise how many men are so easily able to ignore consequences when they first jump into bed with a whore. I know it happens with women, too, but it seems to be so common for men to compartmentalise their families.
We sorted it out. It is the hardest thing, to have to have those conversations, calmly, with your best mate in all the world, when you still love each other. Just not enough to beat this monster. I hate what has happened to us. He fucked it all away as he thrust himself in and out of her. I wonder if he ever had that mental picture, “in with his dick, out with the family.” I know I do.