Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

Love Will Tear Us Apart

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Joy Division. Another teen favourite. I can recall being so very darkly affected by Ian Curtis’ suicide, I was only in my early teens, but I FELT this music in my whole being.

During Roger’s affair, I was a little obsessed with the movie, Control, about Ian. I read Deborah Curtis, his wife’s book, Touching From a Distance in floods of tears, more than a decade later. Roger says when I watched Control for about the third time, he started worrying. “She knows, she knows I am having an affair, this is why she is obsessed with this film.” I didn’t. I just felt Deborah’s pain so deeply at Ian’s affair with Annik Honore. And I also felt empathy for a very young, epileptic, confused new father on the cusp of international spotlight who was letting down his young family, in dark, dark despair at marrying too young, maybe. My subconscious might have been screaming at me maybe, but I think I just feel this kind of empathy for those in pain. I always have, and I have always been very hurt by other people’s affairs, so when it happened to me, no wonder I was so completely devastated.

When routine bites hard,
And ambitions are low,
And resentment rides high,
But emotions won’t grow,
And we’re changing our ways, taking different roads.

Then love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.

Why is the bedroom so cold?
You’ve turned away on your side.
Is my timing that flawed?
Our respect runs so dry.
Yet there’s still this appeal
That we’ve kept through our lives.

But love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.

You cry out in your sleep,
All my failings exposed.
And there’s a taste in my mouth,
As desperation takes hold.
Just that something so good just can’t function no more.

But love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.
Love, love will tear us apart again.

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2 thoughts on “Love Will Tear Us Apart

  1. You cry out in your sleep,
    All my failings exposed.
    And there’s a taste in my mouth,
    As desperation takes hold.
    Just that something so good just can’t function no more.

    Very powerful words…and so true.

    • This song almost wore out my ipod in the months immediately post D-day (along with so many others, The Smiths’ I Know It’s Over, Manic Street Preachers’ You Stole the Sun From My Heart, and Your Love Alone (Is Not Enough)….plenty of other Joy Division: She’s Lost Control and Atmosphere come to mind, so many others…… Reverted to being that gothic teen, crying my pain out to music. Reversion to teenage angst was such a great analogy, I was obsessed with how fat/skinny, pretty/ugly, etc I was – and I was NEVER like that! I hated myself for buying into that crap!

      But this, this spoke every word to me – the change in direction that Roger made, with new business that I just couldn’t seem to get on board with (taking different roads) the coldness in the bedroom, just occasionally, after a discussion where I told him I was having trouble finding where I sat in the new venture that I had no say in buying, or running, really – because of my struggle to climb on that wagon with him, the love we both knew we still felt so deeply. Ugh, such a terribly unhappy time,those months adjusting to what he had chosen for us, without consulting me at all. ALMOST (nah, who am I kidding, I was very unhappy at the time, but I didn’t have a clue HOW unhappy I was capable of becoming really) as bad as after I found out he was fucking my “friend” when I just felt so sorry for her…..

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