Made it back. The weather is closing in, storms down the island yesterday and today, we have missed the worst of them. Nevertheless I am pleased to be back home, the fire is roaring and I am just doing a bit of unpacking and tidying.
This is such a weird part of my life. I don’t fit anywhere anymore. I always felt comfortable, wherever I landed in the past, but since my darling boy cheated, or rather, since his skank texted me to tell me they had been fucking, I can’t find a toehold in the world. Very frustrating! I am home, and I look forward to coming home, but then I get here and wonder where my home is anymore? Same thing about going to my “other” home, the lake house, I look forward to getting there, and on some level I enjoy it, but I am always waiting until I can get “home” again. I even lived there for a month, during one of our separation periods, so it really is my other home. Gahhhh. I hate the life I have been handed by two selfish sluts. But I keep trying to make a new one, to make a better go of recovery and can’t seem to push off properly in the right direction. It just hovers over me, no matter what I do, and no matter where I go. Bastards. Then I get angry at me for ALLOWING their actions to affect ME. I am mighty, I know this deep down, but even when mighty, I feel shitty about who I am, and like I can’t beat this damn sadness, and I am bloody angry about my lack of progress, like I am incapable of choosing happy.
Welcome home 🙂 !!!