Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum



No long post today. Just an acknowledgement of the fact that today is the thirteenth anniversary of my Mum dying suddenly at just 55 years of age.

I miss her so much.


13 thoughts on “Thirteen

  1. ❤ What a legacy your Mom has left on Earth you are an amazing woman ❤ hugs

  2. Do you look like your mom? Are you similar in other ways? I am very different in personality from my mom, but I look very much like her. So much so that I sometimes see a picture of myself and think, “Wow, that’s Mom.” My family says that, too. I am also very similar to her in the kind of creativity I have, and my role as the one who takes care of everyone. I am very proud to carry on for her, and I miss her, too, as you miss your mom. When you have time, tell us something about her. Love, DJ

  3. Oh man I still fear losing my mum too early and she’s 62. But obviously she made you who you are so her work was well done.

    • Yeah Nephila, yours sounds AWESOME! I was 32, and my siblings were 31 and 29. It was far too soon. She has four more gorgeous grandies now, and I bet she is pissed off she missed them!

  4. Hugs, Paula — She must have been one hell of a gal to have raised such a feisty filly as you!

    I miss my mom, too. I aspire to be as wonderful as she and as strong as she. I’ve said this before, I could really use her counsel during these dark days…xxoo

    • tempted, I remember one day after D-day just sitting down and bawling because I couldn’t go hug her, and have her soothe me! Like a little girl! It is hard to negotiate life without them.

      I am the “mother” to my little brothers now. I never told my family. My youngest brother and his wife worked it out about two years in, We all live in different parts of the globe, but they had moved back to NZ, about three hours drive from me, I had driven up to meet with my stepfather’s lawyer as I was joint executor of my stepfather’s estate with his lawyer and we were settling some queries. I don’t know how they knew, but bro looked at me, all skinny and toned, and he asked me. I said yes. He said why, should I go punch his stinking face in? I just said it was the saddest part of my life, ever, but that I was dealing with it my way. Little bro was a tearaway in his youth. Put my mother through the wringer (Dad was useless, and absent.) Trouble with drugs, the law, etc. He is awesome now, has worked hard, was a top chef,worked in Michelin starred restaurants, travelled and then returned decades later to NZ and went to uni, to retrain and graduated top of his class in his late 30s-early 40s (he is dyslexic, so thought he was the family dummy, nyah-ah, he is smart, really smart.) TOIL and I had him live with us for several months in his late teens when he was “parolled” to our care. He was under strict conditions like curfew etc which we were to enforce. He respected TOIL, saw him as a cool uncle figure, I guess. It floored him to think he had hurt me and been such a complete arsehole. Dad and other (narcissistic) brother have no idea of my hell. I managed to keep our separations secret from them.

      • Sounds like little bro is a kindred spirit? His strength sounds amazing! It also sounds like your mother was part pixie and I dig her strength. 🙂

        Paula, my mom was superb and basically kept everyone centered because she was “home” to all of us. I was blessed to have her live with me the last six years of her life and she basically helped me raise my boys. I miss her so much. I am really quite lost without her. She succumbed to an illness quickly and wish I did things differently right before her death, in terms of her health. Dr’s didn’t know what was really wrong (thought pneumonia) until the very end. She basically bled out from internal bleeding due to daily pain meds that ate her stomach. She was 86 and an amazing, funny, gutsy gal.

        We were lucky to have them as our moms!

  5. Oh tempted, of course you know your mother was at a stage where these types of problems occur, that you did nothing wrong? My maternal grandmother had some similar worries, meds that were competing with each other, etc. Old age is not kind! I am so glad you had that time with her, she sounds a hoot, with heart x.

    The pixie comment brought a wide smile. Short women rule! Funnily enough both of my brothers are over 6′ tall, and my 17 year old son is 6’3” – almost caught his father at 6’4″ – and Rog’s mum is a real shorty too. We don’t breed to type 😉 .

  6. 😦 I’m so sorry.

  7. Ah Paula… my mom passed away too soon too, she was only 59 so I know exactly how you feel. It’s been 10 years and I miss her every day. I was in my mid 30’s and had siblings in their 20’s. I’m so sad that she has 4 grandchildren that she never got the chance to meet but I’m pleased that she never got to learn of my husband’s infidelity. She loved him like a son and would have been devastated that he turned out to be a lying. cheating asshole like my dad 😦 Hugs xx

  8. PW, oh yeah! Mine loved TOIL, too! LOVED. She would have also been extremely sad, I imagine pretty pissed off, not entirely sure as I think she might have hidden her anger, and just been loving for me. I know she would have been incredibly supportive of whatever I chose to do. As we close in on their ages (I am inside of that last decade she lived) you realise that you must somehow try to live even better. I think that is part of my struggle, the “time wasted” on this crap. Wish I could change how I feel about it all and be happier, as it is important, that is my daily battle, to keep searching for the good, no matter how minute. Hugging back xo

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