Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

Work.

8 Comments

Back to work today. Was good as TOIL and I had words last night. That is actually quite rare these days, we get on fantastically well! I just left this morning without saying goodbye, or wishing him a good day, like I usually do. No contact all day. I am home now, and he is still out on the farm, we have started lambing, so he will be flat out for the next few months.

The thing we disagreed about was actually (as usual) pretty stupid. I just said that in all the time I have been blogging, I am surprised he has never thought to look at what I post. He knows I do this. I even told him the name of the blog. He has never looked. His reply is that why would he look, as he knows how much he hurt me, and it is probably just all negative and horrid. I looked at him and actually laughed (I think it was laughing, it’s been a long time since I heard that sound coming from my body!) I just said that I didn’t WANT him to look, just thought it almost inhuman to have the willpower not to – which in and of itself is abso-fucking-lootely hilarious. HE has willpower not to “snoop” or display human curiosity, and I would find that hard, and yet I have never found faithfulness hard, you get the picture…..

So, he asked me again (for the fourth time) what the blog is called, and I refused to say, as really I don’t WANT him to look, I just wonder why he doesn’t want to? See, I really am quite certifiable!

The thing is, I get what he says, but it just demonstrates to me how different he and I have become. I would be champing at the bit to see how I was portrayed, and his perspective if he blogged. He doesn’t seem to care. Mmmmm, why does that seem so familiar?

So, work was busy, I am only in the office one day a week at the moment, so I play catch up all day. I needed that.

Oh, and in other news, have my first first semester result in. A+. Woot, woot. Starting to scare myself now as I only have A+s in all the papers I have sat since returning to uni in this reincarnation, starting to feel pressure to keep up the average, hope I don’t let myself down with the other two results!

Ms Skitey Pants is alive and well 🙂

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8 thoughts on “Work.

  1. Hey Ms Skitey Pants! Congratulations! You have a great blog and he should be proud of you that you write so well and grateful you haven’t trawled the net to put a contract out on him. My bet is it’s not hard because he’s scared, he’s scared it will make him feel ashamed and guilty (as it should) for having hurt such a wonderful woman and it will make him miserable because he should be proud of you and he’s kind of forfeited the right to. It’s your achievement and he doesn’t get even vicarious rights to it. Scared, weak men don’t need willpower to run away, it comes naturally.

    I on the other hand have trouble not hiring a sky writer. Sooo tempting.

    • Nephila, that was super sweet, I am worried your RSV crown might be slipping! Thanks hon. Yes, guilt, and shame. I secretly loved the part about him not sharing my success vicariously (snigger, snigger.) My writing here is total word vomit, no editing, just comes out as it is, so I wouldn’t classify it as well written, especially when I read your well-constructed blog and thoughtful quotes, etc. But thanks 🙂 (Note to self, be more gracious when complimented.)

  2. It amazes me too!! If I had the chance to read, and hopefully understand, what was going on on my husbands pea sized brain I’d be on it like a fly on shit!! I think Nephila’s right! They really don’t wanna know how much they hurt us because then they’d realize what complete and utter assholes they were!!

    Great news on your A+ Paula the swot 😜

    • Thanks PW, swotty, swot swot. Actually, that is why I am so gobsmacked. I did very little. The final exam for that paper was worth 50%. I knew I was sitting on an A or better going in, but it was right after I shifted my daughter down country, and I only opened my notes the day before the exam! Was very distracted, and felt like nothing stuck. The last two essays were pretty hardcore, and I thought I screwed up the last, so getting 92% on the exam was a lovely shock!

      Rog knows what an utter arsehole he was, I think Pablo does too? But I guess it isn’t too nice seeing it all over again in black and white, huh?

  3. This is exactly what I struggle with. I think If I still don’t interest him in any way… if I still don’t have his curiosity, his attention, etc… if he’s still not over the moon with ME.. then what delusional world am I living in that we have any chance at all??

  4. oncewhole, and who wants to be in a permanent competition to be “great, funny, sexy, interesting” 100% of the time? That is not healing, healing is to be able to have some level of comfort in who we are as genuine versions of ourselves, not on constant alert because some dickwad (who may not even be worth half of one of us good chicks!) has a wandering dick? You can’t live that way. Is he constantly entertaining and marvellous? Do you feel enthralled when you are washing his underwear and socks – you lucky thing?

  5. He knows how he’s portrayed.

    Correctly.

    We women beat ourselves up, over and over again, even when we’re innocent. Men know the full measure of their [lack of] character and just own it, without needing to question themselves on it. They know they’ve acted like shits.

    It’s not fair.

  6. Welcome insists. Even if it is to this hideous club. Yep. Yep, and yep. Nothing fair about any of it. The perpetrators of these crimes just get to carry on with their lives – maybe a bit bruised (the cheater) but I think it is always easier to cope with bruising when you know the risks you are taking – getting monster-tackled from behind is another thing altogether! The OW in our case just walked away laughing at us – both of us – she was single, and nothing has changed for her, still has a lovely life, and has no moral centre, so no damage done there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained – or lost in this case. Good for her, huh?

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