Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

Lab Rats

10 Comments

Well. It sure has been a long week in the Land of the Torn. (It’s only Wednesday.) I have had three assignments due in the past few days, and the last one, and worth the most credits, is due tomorrow. I finally submitted it tonight.

I know you are all gagging to hear what they were about.

Well the first two were pretty mundane, easy-ish pieces. This one has had me feeling all panicky and anxious (are they pretty much the same thing?) This one was about online spaces and the body. Hmmm, existential much? (Well, almost.) Some in my class were doing good old social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, some were doing online gaming spaces ………. Guess what I chose?

Anyone?

Yep. I chose this. Blogging spaces of the betrayed spouse.

Gulp. Double gulp.

I was about halfway through it when I got the panics. It was too personal, and I emailed the marking tutor, asking her advice, should I can this (as I was having trouble being ‘academic’ enough about it, and linking the published literature to the personal.) She encouraged me by sending me some journal articles and saying that the more uncomfortable essays were the ones that got the best marks in previous years, as it was emotional spaces that seemed to best represent the questions asked.

Gulp again.

I forged on.

I literally did not sleep a wink last night worrying about what I had done/was doing.

Then I had a full on day at work today while my boss is overseas at a conference.

And tonight I finished it.

It has been challenging because usually in academia, you are writing reasonably clinically, even in the humanities, analysing and interpreting the literature, offering and using existing theories, and backing them up, but this was hard! How much personal stuff NEEDED to be shared, I found the editing difficult, was I venting, or did I need to share stuff to set the scene to answer the questions asked? Too personal, too clinical? Balance. That elusive concept. I have so little balance in my life, so trying to construct some was …. difficult fucking impossible. Trying to see my writing through a jaded marker’s eyes, and not make it…… I don’t know….. titillating? (Oh, THAT woman sitting over there, SHE was the poor sap whose partner of nearly three decades CHEATED on her, and then the poor dear wrote a UNI assignment about it, oh dear – yawn!)

And I couldn’t get my family to proof read it for me. Lord no! My kids are good little editors, and this time I had to wing it alone.

So, here’s to completing it, thank you all for the material – don’t panic, I didn’t overshare, but one or two of your blogs were referenced!

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10 thoughts on “Lab Rats

  1. Gulp indeed! Good luck and good writing! xxoo

  2. You’re an inspiration, Paula you know that don’t you? I wish I had the guts to go and get a PhD in the psychology of injustice and how injustice affects people. I have the law degree, I just have zero psych background. And hell yes I’d want to reference Argyrodes. I might even manage to coin a new name for how it affects, the Argyrodes effect? Only I want to use her real name, which sounds just as unusual.

    I bet you do brilliantly. I understand you probably won’t want to but it would be great to read your essay!

    • Aw, shucks (blush) not really Neph. Unfinished business, I guess. You should go for it – you definitely have the intellect, maybe you will when the kids are bigger? It is an odd feeling, it was a Geography paper – only second year – I am a doing Geography and Anthropology – double major, I have never done a psych paper in my long and meandering uni life – think there’s enough flawed psych majors out there without adding another nutter! I am not really all that proud of this one, it was a weird space and a weird read!

      Thanks for the cheer though, much appreciated.

  3. Yeah I would love to read it too!! 🙂 Extensive work into the new found world that you have come to partake in is bittersweet. You are amazing and I bet your paper is AWESOME!

  4. Careful she might realize what a crazy crowd of women you run with 😉

  5. Ha! Love it! And PUh-Lease tell me you referenced my blog?? LOL!!! And dang it girl, you’ve got guts!!
    So you KNOW I’m gonna beg ya to email me the paper…right?? 😀

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