Well. It sure has been a long week in the Land of the Torn. (It’s only Wednesday.) I have had three assignments due in the past few days, and the last one, and worth the most credits, is due tomorrow. I finally submitted it tonight.
I know you are all gagging to hear what they were about.
Well the first two were pretty mundane, easy-ish pieces. This one has had me feeling all panicky and anxious (are they pretty much the same thing?) This one was about online spaces and the body. Hmmm, existential much? (Well, almost.) Some in my class were doing good old social media – Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, some were doing online gaming spaces ………. Guess what I chose?
Yep. I chose this. Blogging spaces of the betrayed spouse.
Gulp. Double gulp.
I was about halfway through it when I got the panics. It was too personal, and I emailed the marking tutor, asking her advice, should I can this (as I was having trouble being ‘academic’ enough about it, and linking the published literature to the personal.) She encouraged me by sending me some journal articles and saying that the more uncomfortable essays were the ones that got the best marks in previous years, as it was emotional spaces that seemed to best represent the questions asked.
I forged on.
I literally did not sleep a wink last night worrying about what I had done/was doing.
Then I had a full on day at work today while my boss is overseas at a conference.
And tonight I finished it.
It has been challenging because usually in academia, you are writing reasonably clinically, even in the humanities, analysing and interpreting the literature, offering and using existing theories, and backing them up, but this was hard! How much personal stuff NEEDED to be shared, I found the editing difficult, was I venting, or did I need to share stuff to set the scene to answer the questions asked? Too personal, too clinical? Balance. That elusive concept. I have so little balance in my life, so trying to construct some was ….
difficult fucking impossible. Trying to see my writing through a jaded marker’s eyes, and not make it…… I don’t know….. titillating? (Oh, THAT woman sitting over there, SHE was the poor sap whose partner of nearly three decades CHEATED on her, and then the poor dear wrote a UNI assignment about it, oh dear – yawn!)
And I couldn’t get my family to proof read it for me. Lord no! My kids are good little editors, and this time I had to wing it alone.
So, here’s to completing it, thank you all for the material – don’t panic, I didn’t overshare, but one or two of your blogs were referenced!