Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

“Oh no he di’int”


Mmmmm. What can I say about this morning? I woke up feeling okay (that’s rare) as I knew I had done a good job on two assignments this week (one result back already A+, yuss!) and one pass job on …… well, you know, I DID just post about it last night. And I have nothing due for four whole weeks! (Semester break after the end of next week – woohoo!) Mr Suck-The-Life-Out-Of-Me fucked my morning. As I was posting last night, he was peering over my shoulder. That was weird. And uncomfortable. He read the beginning of the post.


Then this morning, I was up at 4.00am. (I haven’t been sleeping well again, you wanna set up camp in the sleeping bags under my eyes?) And I got up and had a cup of tea, and then fed the orphaned lamb, very originally named, “Lambie.” (Usually I have several awaiting foster mums, and they all get names, this one has been a loner for a while, and I never got around to naming him, poor little sausage.) Then he came in, and started a conversation. 

It didn’t go well.

He has been reading my blog – so (raspberry noises here, flipping the bird – is that American enough?) to you, dickhead – and never told me.  What a fucktard. I mean, I don’t care that he reads, but really, why not tell me? He has obviously learned nothing.

Then he offered his fabulous, important opinion. 


He told me I am a bitter person, and that I am sharing far too much of other people’s lives and being far too judgemental. That I need to stop. 

Yeah, because he didn’t share anything, Mr-Fucking-Perfect. If he thinks I am such a chump that I don’t know that although I was hardly topic-of-the-day while he filled her right up with his genitalia and semen, my life was “shared” with a whore. And I had no say. I had no way of protecting myself, my image, my privacy, my body, my health, my children’s future. He shared me with her, even if he thinks he didn’t. I admit it, I fucking cried. Hope he was happy with his result, more fucking tears from his push button crier these days. Good job. You’re a champion.

So, Nephila, I am now a vitriolic bitch, are you proud of me? I fucking am. 

Of course I am “bitter” – that is the whole fucking point of blogging. To bleed the poison out. And if, as he insisted (he of the “how do you turn on the computer” persuasion) the people involved find my blog? #Whogivesafuck!!!


29 thoughts on ““Oh no he di’int”

  1. I am so sorry. My husband does not support me blogging or the support I have found on here. Just because he didn’t value it. Whatever.
    I don’t find you bitter at all. You want to see bitter tell him to come on over to my blog 🙂 ❤

    • Ha! Well forgive me nothate, I did suggest he read other betrayed women’s blogs to see what the genre consisted of. No. Not keen. Okay. Stay in ignorance then. Don’t learn about my pain being as normal as others’. I just feel so pussed off that he seems to now think I am vitriolic because I write my truth amd shed my thoughts here.

  2. Who else was in the affair? Just you, him and bitchface? So who exactly is going to find the blog? Sigh

    No I don’t think you’re a vitriolic bitch. I’m not either. That is the funny part. We aren’t but it makes them feel better to say we are. He had better not. Imagine if we *were*? They would not know what hit them!

    • Aha. This was a pretty fucked up conversation. We don’t usually have those, he is mostly good, but this opened my eyes to how dense this guy really is. I mean, why don’t they just get it?? Hell, I will own a bit of “bitterness” if bitterness means being disappointed in human nature as displayed by these two selfish bastards. But generally I have a reasonably sunny disposition. Or I once did.

      As I said, who the hell cares if the blog is found? I haven’t said anything that didn’t happen, I am not slandering anyone with lies and assumptions. I am telling the truth. I don’t give a flying fuck if “they” (whoever “they” are) find this. He was going on about the couple I mentioned recently where the wife was cheating and left her husband with the kids, only to return. But once again, I didn’t say anything that didn’t happen.

      Just can’t believe I was so damn happy with this guy, who I thought was so real, so caring and so wonderful for twenty-one years! Where the fuck did he disappear to? (Of course, he didn’t exist – but if I tell him that, he gets upset and says he is still that guy, but the cheater wasn’t him.) This has been a disappointing day.

  3. What an asshole. He’s got a lot of nerve, lecturing you about being bitter when he’s the one who took a giant dump all over the life the two of you built together. And judgmental? Seriously? Last I checked, you’ve every right to judge what you will and what you will not tolerate in your damn life. The same life he pissed away, by the way, because he’s too much of a man-child to deal with his issues like a grown up! You know to know what his mantrum was really about? He read your blog and now he’s seeing the truth of who and what he really is, right there in black and white, and what he’s seeing doesn’t look so good to him. So like every classic, unoriginal, defensive wayward out there, instead of owning his shit, he’s going to try to blameshift it all onto you. You’re bitter; you’re judgmental; you’re sharing too much private business on your blog. Well, fuck him. There wouldn’t be a need for a blog like this had he kept his dick in his pants, so he can suck it the fuck up and deal with it.

    • Yeah, with you there, TLM. Although it was less of a lecture, and more of a carefully worded conversation. But the words were crap, because it showed me how little insight he has, and I thought he had quite a lot. I mean, I am a functioning member of society, and most days I don’t really feel too flash, but I don’t go on about that anymore – I used to, while I worked through shit, but the blog helps me get some of the crap out of my mouth, like bile building up – that is the whole point of writing it down. I think part of it is he is such a “private person” (unless you count fucking and confiding in a whore, but I digress!) that he struggles with the public space of cyberspace. I am angry and disappointed today, but I am over it, he can’t affect me the same way he used to, I am much more of an emotional island than I have ever been. Thanks for your support, TLM 🙂

  4. I think you should wait until both of you are calm and then say, “Did you make a business decision while I was gone? Did you fuck a friend for months and months and months? Did you give me two stds? Did you lie and lie and lie? Exactly how was I suppose to react to all this? I have reacted this way because you wrecked our marriage. Your decisions forced me to make decisions I never thought I would make. You made me stop loving you and planning a life with you. Just explain why I wouldn’t feel vitriolic. My whole life has changed because of you.”

    • I’m one step ahead. Don’t worry. We have talked! We agree to disagree. It just points out yet again the chasm in our understandings. If we wanna get all gender stereotypical, Rog is a typical guy. Move on. Emotions are scary. And I am a typical woman. I can’t. And I know I haven’t overshared about anyone else’s situation. He is intensely private (a reason he kept his affair so secret, he was GOOD at secrets!) And I share. I am more reserved about what I share and with whom after being the subject of town gossip and the loss of friendships. But I still need the outlet of sharing. This is a case of I am right and he is wrong here. And I am adamant about that!

  5. Let’s face it, he’s feeling the shame of it all and deflecting the pain onto you. He knows better. He knows you are not bitter, but hurt. There’s a difference. Oh, TOIL — you just need to stop hurting our dear Paula and let her blog her little heart out. It helps. It’s a natural exorcism of all the pain we hold in our hearts, minds, bodies. We need to do this. It’s either this or talking to all our girlfriends, and then they’ll tell two friends, and so and so on…

    My husband doesn’t know I blog. I believe he knows I read blogs. He sees me reading it at night in bed when we wind down our days. Not sure I’ll ever tell him that I have one, though. This is for me, it’s my therapy and I thank God that I found each and every one of you on here. From all perspectives, “right or wrong” – OW, WS, or BS — it is helping us. It is otherwise, we wouldn’t be doing it, right?

    Chin up, Paula. You don’t claim to be anything you aren’t. You are a full blooded woman. Some men can’t handle that from time to time. After all, they are the weaker sex 😉 xxoo

    • So funny, tempted. I said just that. He disagreed (of course!) Says he knows he was truly the worst kind of arsehole, but of course reading it and having to “constantly” pointed out is deeply uncomfortable. It isn’t who he saw himself as, but he concedes he is/was that pig. His problem is me “slandering” other people on this forum.

      And thanks. Yep. I am woman, hear me roar! (MOTHERFUCKERS!)

      • Why are the cheating men so skewed in what’s right/wrong and sooooo concerned about the “other”? That’s f’d up to the millionth degree.

        My hubby would probably react the same was as TOIL, to be honest, and that’s warped.

        Sorry, boys, you fucked up and it’s shameful and full of shame. Own it.

      • Who does he think you are slandering?!?

      • You tell me, bubsy? He mindfucked me enough that I went and looked at old posts. There’s nothing. To be fair I think there is some major I-can’t-turn-a-computer-on old school paranoia. How does the interwebsy thingie work??? Mmmm, I am being nasty, but seriously!

  6. And in walks Kelly 🙂 whose husband sat and patiently ‘found’ my first post when I couldn’t figure WordPress out…whose family, friends, neighbors, kids classmates, sons girlfriends, my husbands former coworkers and a whole LOT of strangers read my blog. And the whore 😉

    Guess what Paula’s not husband? We are all still alive over here, no one has stoned us, drug us to court (yet again), or attacked my husband. It has helped me heal.

    You were a selfish wanker (correct use of your British slang?) and now you can be supportive or?? Oh yeah shut the fuck up.

    Bitter? Nope…just pissed off that like you my husband selfishly changed my life and broke every promise that mattered.

    Hugs Paula, you got this 🙂

  7. Ummmm… I got nothing!! It’s all been said by everyone else. I think Temped hit the nail on the head… he knows he fucked up, he knows exactly what he did and reading your words must be so, so painful for him, they have to be! Who wants to read in black and white that you broke the heart of the person you were supposed to love?? I know it would kill me to know that I had inflicted that sort of pain on someone I loved. Knowing you did it is one thing, reading about it is another thing entirely!

    Bitter??? No. Broken hearted???


    ❤ xx

  8. My words exactamundo, PW. A dash of bitters will always be in this cocktail, his choice, not mine!

    I wouldn’t even want to cause this agony to my worst enemy. Including Leanne. Yep. Even her. Let alone those I love.

    • Oh no Paula….you HAVE to want this to happen to ol’ puss face! Of all people, she deserves it!!

      • Strangely, no, I don’t lonely. I think her skin is so thick you just can’t penetrate it. She can’t feel. So she will never feel anything, good or bad. I seriously don’t wish this on her. I don’t hurt people intentionally. Ever. No matter how much some may think they deserve it. I know, who’da thunk it? 🙂

      • You are TOO nice, my friend! 🙂 Me? I hope the Cow gets it right between the eyes!! LOL

  9. Must be a trans-continental drift of stupidity, striking both of our husbands at the same time, because we also had a most unpleasant conversation. I was told that I will never heal, never be able to move on until I stop being so bitter. He asked where I am getting all of my “hatred” from. He blames me reading the blogs and says it makes me hate him. I laughed in his face. Told him that if it weren’t for the support of my girls, we would be divorced. Because seriously, you guys have all walked with me and shown me that I am not crazy. I have learned so much in the blog0sphere. A kind, understanding word from someone who is going through the shit too can make ALL the difference in the world between stepping closer to the edge or taking one step back from it. Seriously.

    • Hey EG, snap! The thing is, I used to wonder if it was keeping me a bit trapped. But I have been candid enough about my suicidal tendencies since this, and honestly, if I didn’t have the blogs, I am pretty sure I would be dead by now. I have no one else in my life who knows, REALLY knows what I am feeling, and can understand any of the total devastation. He is quite adamant that I am being insensitive as “people” will find the blog, read it and know who I am making “unkind” remarks about. I was truly frustrated trying to tell him that a) that is incredibly unlikely, and b) I haven’t named names, or shared anything that isn’t true, so who cares. Actually, the first words that he uttered were, “you are going to make yourself very unpopular.” I snorted with laughter, and said, “oh, you mean I might lose ALL these friends I no longer have???” It was quite a shock to me. He truly wasn’t this thick, or this man before his brain turned to mush by plugging his dick into a whore. After all he has been capable of, I shouldn’t have been shocked, I guess. The other thing is, although I loved this man SOOOOO truly, madly, deeply, I don’t think I do anymore, at least not like I did. Every time he does something like this, it probably just helps me realise that he is not the man he used to be, and he never will be.

      I don’t think I ever will “heal.” Not the way I thought it would look like. I will have this limp forever, but I am a lot better about understanding and accepting that now than I was. I was SO determined that I would be whole again one day, quite silly when I look back, as of course, you can never forget, never undo the affair, never unbreak your heart that you gave to this man to take care of.

      Still haven’t found any joy, but there is some progress in that there is more acceptance, less raging against the machine!

    • Exercise grace…. Yea, I’ve heard that one also…aren’t these “wonderful” guys so amazing? Screw us over…and then, THEN try to tell us WE are bitter and don’t want to heal??
      My H told me that a few weeks ago….that he thinks I “like” acting this way, that I “like” punishing him!
      Really? What a load of crap! Yea, I “like” having had my life turned upside down the last four years….right! Got the memo, PA Man…thanks so much!

  10. Men???




    My husband tried to tell me in the early days that reading these blogs and then blogging myself probably weren’t helping but were maybe hindering my recovery. Until I told him, in no uncertain terms, to shut the fuck up!

    I agree EG, my fierce blogging buddies have helped me walked this shittiest of paths and I’m pretty sure I would have taken a wrong turn had it not been for you all xx

    • Preach it to the choir, PW! Honestly, who the fuck are these aliens who body snatch the lovely men we had when they fuck around? I’m sure that must be what happens, the man I loved no longer exists, and I never got to have a funeral and mourn the way you are supposed to when someone dies. Instead, “they” asked me to love an inferior being. Sorry, but I tried, and this heart ain’t buying the fake.

  11. Paula….if ROG…yes, I said his name, it now out there in cyber land, ewwwww 😉 is so computer illiterate…how was he able to find and read your blog?
    I have a password on my IPad….and I’m the only one who knows it…I won’t have PA Man spying on me! If he wants to read what I have to say on my blog, he can darn well ask…and I’ll be happy to let him have at it…I have nothing to hide!
    Blogging is very freeing for me…it’s like journaling with a twist! 🙂

    Hey Rog…that was a bad move….very bad indeed! Paula isn’t bitter…she’s living in the world you and the old bag lady…I swear Leanne DOES look like an old lady….she has very thin lips, old lady lips…anyway, she is now surviving in the world YOU shoved her in, without thought to how it would affect her….so bug off, dude!

    • Lonely, a while back I told him the name of my blog. He then saved it on his phone. I am not ashamed of it. I do not feel there is anything here he doesn’t know. He says he’s looked three times and he won’t any longer. If he does, so what! I told him if he pisses me off again I will make it private. Simple.

  12. What everyone else has said. Isn’t it just crushing how they can continue to disappoint us?! It reveals who he really is what he’s really concerned about–himself, what others think (and how that reflects on him), not you or how blogging helps you. My husband tried the same crap when he initially learned I was reading and posting on blogs. The nerve that after betrayal they presume to know what is best for us? They expose how “warped & conditional” their love and support is & always has been. Really, why the fuck do we keep deluding ourselves as to who they really are when they keep showing us otherwise!?ugh.

    • True, Moddie. The thing is, this man has been mostly supportive of my efforts to “fix” myself after he broke me. But this day, I was mightily pissed off! He was a wanker, of the highest order this day! I “think” he is really the good guy, but reality shows me that he is capable of unspeakable selfishness and arseholery – even if it is only “occasionally.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s