WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS FABULOUSLY BAD LANGUAGE! BUCKLE UP BITCHES!!!
Had this totally awesome conversation this morning. We’ll get to that later…
Lawyered up, went and saw the guy I saw first the month after D-day, who advised me how to set up our ‘post-nup’ – which is a misnomer when there were never any nuptials! But he was kind then, and showed me what I needed to get in place legally regarding how our assets and businesses were set up. It empowered me then, and it set in place things that I had been querying for decades, ie, why was I excluded from most of the legal documents that were Relationship Property? I mean, I knew that after three years of cohabitation, I was ostensibly protected by law, but when there are Family Trusts in place, and you are neither a Trustee, nor a beneficiary, that can cause some chaos in splitting up, as the assets are no longer owned by ourselves, but a totally separate entity! Luckily for me, the Trust was formed after we had already been together ten years, and had two kids. This lawyer also gave sensible advice to my siblings and myself after we discovered that our stepfather had spent most of our inheritance from our mother’s estate. A real shock for me, as Executor of her Will. I trust him. I came away from yesterday’s meeting feeling a bit better about a few nasty things that have gone on here lately.
Anyway, this was a big week. The Masters thesis was submitted on Monday, and the weirdness of getting up in the morning without that
cloud of doom hanging over me constant work that has been a 24/7 thing for the last twelve months, and letting that baby go, was … weird.
And a relief.
Anyway, back to the morning conversation. Roger has pulled so far away the past two months, and I understand, he needs to move on, and protect his heart. Basically, he is over the whole thing. Nice, eh? He said to me about three weeks ago, “I don’t feel guilty anymore.” Hmmm. That’s nice, isn’t it? I don’t even understand that. I mean, I don’t want him to go around like a beaten dog for the rest of his life, but to exonerate yourself? I can’t even imagine how that could happen? I would think you still feel bad, but you just build and improve who you are? Anyway, I just remained quiet. What’s the damn point in challenging that? There is none. Great, good for you, you feel fine now. Excellent.
I am so infrequently posting now, I can’t recall entirely if I have shared that Roger’s mother is terminally ill, and this has created an opportunity for the three siblings to repair the damaged bonds between them. His sisters are now speaking to him again, and there have been some healing conversations. But neither of them have reached out to me, so I have kept my distance. His eldest sister used to be a really good friend of mine, or so I thought. I used to work for her, and I supported her through a nasty divorce. It turns out, she used to pump me for information, and then use it against me. I ain’t got time for that shit! She is a reasonably heavy drinker. She married a guy who started as an affair, he had a wife and child, and she was fucking him. He was her boss. Surprise, surprise, he was also fucking around on her later on. Two kids together, and she kicked him out after seven years together. The kids were barely 3 and 1. She is known to sleep with married men. After being cheated on, she happily does it to other women. Yes, this is the sister of ‘my’ (disclaimer: he’s not mine) cheater. Who knew, right? Sigh.
Anyway, the word has got out around town that we are separated. And she rang him at 11.30pm the other night, to ‘chat’. As he says, “she was pissed.” (Kiwi for drunk.) Her concern for Roger, “are you okay? Can I help? What is going to happen?” Never one question about, is Paula okay? Are your children okay? (This woman has had nothing to do with our kids, her nieces and nephew, for eleven years. After our five kids all used to hang out together pretty much every day until the farm sale …) And then this, he refused to tell me at first, but I coaxed it out of him, “it will just upset you.” She said to him, “what’s her fucking problem, it was just the one!”
Because, apparently, her ex-husband’s 20 or so mostly one-night-stands (he was probably a sex addict, in retrospect) – when they had been together just a handful of years, was FAR worse than the love of my life, Roger’s, one deep, wanted-to-leave-me-for-her sexual affair of over 15 months, longer emotionally, in-my-homes-pretending-she-was-my-friend-going-on-holiday-with-me, his-telling-me-on-the-three-times-I-asked-and-I-totally-took-the-bait-that-no-there-was-definitely-nothing-going-on, giving-me-lifelong-diseases, fucking-with-my-already-teetering-mental-health-about-rape-sex-and-relationships, was just a silly, piffling thing. What a loser Paula is, right? Another one. Get. Over. It. Bitch.
And he never defended me. He doesn’t want to look any worse. If people knew the extent of the mindfuckery …
You know, when you look up the word ‘cunt’ in the dictionary, there is a picture of her, right?
And that, my friends, is why I will NEVER reconnect with his family. They are fucked in the head, and judgemental as FUCK!!!