Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

The mindfuck channel

8 Comments

The most painful part of all of this is the whys, hows, the what the fucks. How could he send me loving notes, buy me gifts that had Love, Always inscribed on them, just days before the discard? How could he tell me I am the love of his life? He even said this many times AFTER he said he was leaving me for a woman he himself described as plain looking, small town, sweet, but boring, unstimulating? In other words, easy to manipulate.

Why? Why, when I finally got to our agreed target, both time wise and the result he said he was craving, and said, YES! I am in, I totally love you, and can trust you again, after years of really hard work, did he pull the rug out from under me? Why be that damn cruel to the person who gave and gave and loved and struggled with his cheating, but ALWAYS loved him?

I loved this from CrazyKat

There aren’t really any ‘good’ answers. I just know it is the deepest grief, the most agony I have ever experienced.

Chump Lady tries here. But really, it just reiterates what a damn cop out it really is. It’s just easy for these shallow people to turn the love switch off.

Fuck!

Wish I could be one of them.

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8 thoughts on “The mindfuck channel

  1. If you were one of them, I wouldn’t know you. I’m so glad I know you. ❤️

  2. The mindfuck is the worst!!!
    I recently told my husband I am no longer jealous of her or them. I’m jealous of what he got to experience: the newness, the excitement, the secrecy, hell even sex with someone else. It all seems so glamorous. And hey, it worked out pretty well for him. I’m still here trying like hell to keep this marriage together.
    But, I’m not that person. Sometimes I’d like to have low morals and zero character. But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

    • Yeah. It’s a win-win for them. Even when they leave for the OW. Honeymoon dating crap in their mid 50s. How nice for them! Also too much of a ‘good girl’ here! Sucks to be us, lol!

      Hang in there HTH. It will be worth it if he’s genuine about his remorse xxx.

      • I do believe he is sorry. I just dont know if that is enough for me. We have alot of other problems, most of which existed before his affair. Its feeling like there are too many holes in the boat, ya know?

      • I do. And I undersrand. It was why I took so long to ‘heal’ from the affair with Leanne. Roger really was not addressing those holes in him. He thought healing was all about me xxx

      • My husband has done some work on himself. His personality is such that he is not a dweller. He gets pissed, voices it (albeit in a shitty manner at times) and then moves on. He is trying to be patient but he just doesn’t get how this still affects me in the present. He is very logical. So he thinks, “I have taken responsibility and I’m not behaving in the ways I was and I’m working on being a better husband. That’s all I can do. Why isn’t that enough? I’m not currently cheating so why is this still?”
        Our therapist once said I need to live more in the present and he needs to sometimes get out if the present and reflect.
        Dealing with affair aftermath on top of decades of unhealthy communication and behaviors is really tough. Not sure we are gonna make it. We’ve been here many times and I just don’t have the energy or desire to keep fighting. There was a time that the thought of not being together made my stomach drop and heart race. Now, there is no physical reaction. I dont know if it’s because I dont care or I’m just so numb to it all.

      • Man! This was me/us! To a T. Roger was remorseful. He told me so often I did not deserve to be so hurt, that I was an incredible partner, he had fucked up badly, and was really, really sad at how badly I was affected. At 5 years, I started to feel numb, too. I wanted out. He BEGGED me to stay, to keep trying. So, I did. I thought he believed in me. In retrospect, I think he did not have the skillset to be alone, so he started to look for my replacement, keeping me on the line until he secured one. Incredibly selfish. Incredibly painful. Because I did work the hardest at anything I ever did in my whole life, to trust him again. Then he did it again. It is unbearably painful.

        People really do not understand the stages. Of shock, hope, despair, grief, resilience, hard, hard work, despair again, then acceptance. It takes a fucking long time. And huge commitment and sacrifice of hard lines, boundaries and standards. We soften and blur these to try to rebuild. Going numb happened to me. Exhausted. For a couple of years. But, the love and deep feelings came back. I was loyal and totally committed. He ran. Also indicated I was living in tbe past, etc. The past was relevant, because we were hurt. We needed to be sure they were not going to do this again. Self protection mechanism.you have to deal with the past in order to truly commit to a future with a cheater. It is so hard, and takes so long. He ran out of patience, but did not communicate.

        I hope you can get through the hard, numb stage xxx

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