It’s such a trigger. I wonder if that has been a part of this latest mini breakdown? I also got my period, and having never really had them before, I don’t know if I am an emotional bleeder, lol.
I did think how ironic this is! I rarely menstruated. Only a very small handful of times during the thirty years with my love. Lucky him, huh 😉.
Now I have them all the damn time! I must start noting dates as I have no idea if they are regular, having never had them.
My boss’s elderly widowed aunt was in the office earlier. She’s lovely. Asked me about my NYE plans. And dammit! My lip wobbled. Fuck! I’m right on the edge here. She came and hugged me, saying I have been such a champion throughout, to let some tears out is okay.
Ugh. Get the fuck over him, Paula. He hates you. He’s an abusive manipulative, manchild who never loved, treasured, adored you like you did him….truly, madly deeply.
The emphasis on madly 🤣
I feel sick. I have a little itchy infection on my cutting site. Of course. Of course it is not the answer. I know this. But it seemed to help keep the full on suicidal ideation at bay, and I need to use everything I have to not let my life be ended because a man was selfish, and broke me into tiny, sharp shards.
I really and truly used to be a bright, happy kid. A fun friend. I never, never, never thought I would be fighting for my life like this!
I have so much empathy and understanding for our friend, Nigel, who lost his battle to live after his wife left him 15 years ago. You are so sure the pain is finite, you will get through it.
Until you have to live it. It is next level grief.
It is taking a looooong time, and the potholes are getting deeper.
As my username suggests, as Florence preached, the dog days are (must be!) over, the horses are coming…
Happiness hit her, like a train on a track
Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back
She hid around corners and she hid under beds
She killed it with kisses and from it she fled
With every bubble she sank with a drink
And washed it away down the kitchen sink
[Chorus]
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming
So you better run
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
‘Cause here they come
[Bridge]
And I never wanted anything from you
Except everything you had
And what was left after that too, oh
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[Verse 2]
Happiness hit her like a bullet in the back, back, back…
Struck from a great height
By someone who should know better than that
[Chorus]
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
‘Cause here they come
Run fast for your mother, run fast for your father
Run for your children, for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive
The dog days are over
The dog days are done
Can you hear the horses?
‘Cause here they come
[Outro]
The dog days are over
The dog days are gone
Can you hear the horses?
‘Cause here they come
The dog days are over
The dog days are gone
Can you hear the horses?
‘Cause here they come