Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum



Roger was easily and by far and away my best friend.

I was sure we were deeply connected by that special friendship.

I was thinking about this, when blackacre wrote a piece about her sex addict husband, and her take on what she previously considered her best friend, and husband. I am exactly the same. I could never have had an affair, either. I would have had to rush and tell him.

I had no secrets from my bestie.

Once, just a few years into us, when Rog was on a long hunting trip – one of those when we pined for each other, so badly – a (married) man passionately kissed me, and suggested sex. I was mortified. And told Rog as soon as he got home. He said he was fine with it. Of course he was. He’d already fucked a prostitute, and his ex girlfriend, at least, who knows what other emotional or sexual affairs he had already indulged in.

Yes, I have dear childhood besties, but Handsome was clearly my best friend and confidant. I have said, not entirely joking, that I could never have had an affair because the first thing I’d want to do is tell Handsome. For the better part of the last 20 years he was always my person… my go-to. I do not believe that I was ever his best friend prior to DDay #1. In fact, I’m not actually sure that he ever viewed me as a friend.

I was never his bestie.

That makes me so sad.

Anyway, he rang me last night. Talked for 52 minutes. We are fine in that way. Talked money and kids. A few issues.

Best news of all?

They are not coming to the races today! I don’t have to share a table with them!

I do have to admit, I am VERY surprised. Not that she isn’t coming. But he lives for racing. And we have a runner on Derby Day!

But, I can breathe. Relax. Enjoy. Phew. So much phew. Not to have to play nice in public with a home wrecking whore. YAAAAAAASSSSSS!!!

There was some other stuff, that I am not ready to blog about in full yet, that made me feel a bit better. He asked me about my travel (8 MORE SLEEPS!) As obviously the kids have told him. So, as I know his big thing about retirement was travel, I asked him if he had any plans.

No. “Can’t really afford it.”

Hmmm. I translated that to fit with what he told me at the beginning about his twu wuv. She is scared of flying.

Oh dear. A small life. In a small town. That is what he left me for. I have so much living to do. Art, music, theatre, travel, literature….

I better fly, have a dress to press, and a day and night to have some fun!


18 thoughts on “Besties

  1. I am sad to not be the only chick in the “my partner was my best friend but, surprise! I wasn’t his” club. It’s very sad. I remember how stupid I felt when Handsome named his colleague. Stupid, and sad.

    I am so happy that you get to go enjoy this biggest of big days for your syndicate in peace!! Yay. 🐎 Good luck to you and have a ball!!

    • It is so the rug being pulled out from under our lives, blackacre. I’m so sorry we both belong to this club.

      Horse ran well. Now we wait to see if she has done enough to start in the Oaks!

  2. Woo Hoo!!! I am not taking the high road and I’m saying told ya so! 😁
    Seriously though, this is good news. Your relief is coming through. I felt upbeat just reading this.
    Have a great time!!!!

  3. Have the best time!!

  4. I love your penchant to dive into this. You deserve all the good and it’s a good way to therapize yourself into feeling differently. Keep feeding the good bits. Rotten Rog is a festering knotted hemroid. The blood supply is gone, now he can shrivel up and fall off

  5. Same here. Husband was my best friend in every way possible. Sad to say he did not feel the same way. I don’t even know if he ever thought of me as a friend. He has no idea what he has done to me. Nor does he seem to care.

    I’m glad to see you moving along pretty well though! Glad to hear the horse ran well. Very exciting!

    • Oh Bugs. My heart breaks for you. It is honestly an unbelievably painful and life changing thing, to discover they don’t feel the way you do. Sending love and strength xxx

      • Thank you. Definitely painful and certainly life changing. My heart genuinely hurts so much. I have a ton I need to write to release from my grip and update everyone. I wish I wasn’t stuck.

      • I hear you and hug you tightly. My heart has ached, physically throughout, and worse since he chose someone else – reiterating his message to me that I was not good enough, Bugs – and left me for her. So yes, I understand your pain, and your stuckness x

      • 😦 The true message is that he is not good enough for you; yet I drown in the obverse. I am glad to see you moving on and aspiring to a better life. Hugs sent your way.

      • Oh yes. Absolutely. Absolutely I was a fab partner. He let me down, not the other way ’round. But, his choosing to gallop off on his white stead, having his knob polished by a needy widow is incredibly unkind and unfair. What about his promises? What about making it up to me? What about my loyalty? You can’t do a damn thing about how poorly they behave, our how badly they broke our hearts, except get up and be better, every day. And I do. It is incredibly hard when you miss someone who isn’t even real x

      • I can hear strength in your words. He is just an incredibly selfish person. That’s opposite of you. I hope you find solace that you are a real person with integrity. Yes it still hurts what he did, everything he did is heartbreaking and unfair. There’s a part of me that completely understands. Part of me feels broken for not seeing who this man really was before the changes occurred. I have to be gentle and patient with myself and realize I am not the broken one. I was doing the expected trusted behavior and that is to be admired. I wish the same for you! Plus I can still tell by reading that you still have your integrity, values, and morals intact. There’s a lot to be said about all of that despite what has happened. You are worth more than the person who let you down. I hope what I’m saying makes sense to you. I’m just proud of you is all!

      • Naw. That is such a lovely thing to say, Bugs.

        I am just so confused at the heartbreak. He isn’t worth this much pain, and I can’t seem to find a way to stop the intensity of the grief. So painful, and so pointless. I really thought if he did it again, I would just be done, and probably relieved it was all over. I’m not. And that confuses and frustrates me. Did not expect this. Complicated grief and broken heart syndrome, stacked on top of a cancer battle and a long, hard academic AND healing journey. The load must have just got too much at some point. Trying to be kind to myself when I just feel like a fool is harder than you imagine x

  6. See you are strong! That is more than enough for anyone to handle even without the crappy partnership. I would think feeling confused is acceptable after another stab wound when you thought the first one was getting repaired. Of course I should take my own advice in trying to be kind to myself when I feel like disappearing. Maybe one of us should start a post on how to be kind to ourselves. Tips on self-care, self-soothing and staying present. Much love to you! ❤️

    Grief. Quite a bit of grief that keeps pouring out some days more than other times. I wonder if I’m losing my mind and soul on the days the 💔 won’t stop.

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