People say they support those dealing with grief, anxiety, pain, depression. But really? I think people really don’t want to see the pain. They want us to be all pretty now …
We recently had a National Day (to wear gumboots, symbolizing the struggle through the mud) to show support and raise funds.
But, this opinion piece shows the reality. It’s all for show. Few people really get it. I have felt this lack of “hope,” so badly, and felt like I was/am so alone in that.
Grief is forever. Yes, it changes, it is fluid, it is constantly moving. But you never “stop” grieving.
For example, what I wouldn’t give for a hug from my Mum right now. To have her sit and listen. To not judge. She was so special, so wise, so empathetic, but also incredibly strong and practical. I miss her every day.
And, the old Rog. He would have held me so close, whispered to me, soothed me, held me up, been there for me.
Never did I think he was capable of such cruelty, abuse and selfishness that this new person is. Discarding me, discounting me after he broke me. Transferring all I gave to him to her. To just stop loving me when he broke me, and got all misty eyed about poor broken widdle Trinket.
Who HE did not break.
He could do his knight on a white charger routine he practised so well. Poor Leanne was lonely and needed a big, strong man, too.
So fucking predictable.
I also read some psych literature last night suggesting the second year is often harder. I know it most certainly was after Leanne. The shock wears off a little, all the firsts have been and gone, and you are left staring at a whole new reality, that your past, your future, your belief system and sense of safety in the world has been decimated by the person you trusted most. Your person. It’s such an abuse of someone who loves and trusts you.