We know it. But holy heck, it’s hard.
When the OW gets your cheater, what really happens?
We, the loyal, betrayed spouses feel like utter shit. Rejected, not good enough, stupid, ugly, old….there is just so much pain.
But, of course, we do know that the OW has ‘won’ a sparkly turd.
He might sparkle brightly for her for a while. They are usually very charming people.
And my anguish is intensified, knowing he is being good to her, when I was so good to him for thirty years, and in return, he just broke me.
But, as this comprehensive international study of cheating breakups shows, long term, the betrayed women do far better. Than both the cheater and the other woman, who happily stole their prize off a faithful wife.
Women who lose their partner to a love-rival are better off in the long term, the biggest ever study of break-ups has found.
Although being cheated on might initially seem devastating, in fact, it leaves the victim with a ‘higher mating intelligence’ which helps her to choose a more faithful partner in the future.
In contrast, the ‘other woman’ ends up with a partner with a track record of being deceptive and a cheat, meaning that she is the long-term loser, according to psychologists.
The study involved an anonymous online survey of 5,705 participants in 96 countries.
I know this.
In my head.
My struggle is my stupid broken heart, and the trauma of the way he set me up to fail. Then ensured I failed, by cheating again, and this time, leaving me.
I do know I will never choose a man with a history of cheating on his long term partner.
Yes. BG has never been married. But he never cheated on his long term partners. He did say something quite self deprecating when he was discussing with my little brother how to stay the course, not rise to the bait, regarding his now very combatitive divorce. He had repeated what I had said about a cool head, etc.
Then said, “well, here I am dishing out advice, when I have never been married, nor even engaged! But I’ve had plenty of friends go through this. Only Marty’s divorce (his best mate, from his first cheating wife) was ugly.”
Yeah. K says she wants to be friends. I really think it is impossible when she has invoked these charges, and now demands more than 50%.
Just like you can’t be real friends with an ex who cheated and left you. That means you are ignoring the abuse they put you through. We can be civil, and pretend. But Roger never loved me, he just used me to make his life easier. He’s found someone who ‘won’ him from me, beat the incumbent loyal partner, must be so much better than me, right?
That is the problem. These cheating APs are sparklier than the person who stood by these cheaters. We have been worn down. Worn out. Used up. And spat out.
How could any grieving betrayed ever compete with the sparkly and new???