Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

So long

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When I first found out about Leanne, someone told me it would take 2 to 5 years for healing.

Two years?! Fuck that shit! No way. I’d be sorted in six months. Right?

When the five year mark hit, I was incredibly disappointed. I thought I would be ‘all better’ by then.

It doesn’t work that way. Infidelity is always with you. That the person you totally trusted and adored could hurt you. It seems unconscionable.

I talked with an old girlfriend yesterday. Her husband cheated around about the time Roger did with Leanne. She found out a few months after me.

They are still together. And she told me she is doing some kind of new age unlocking thing at the moment. Can’t recall exactly what it is. But she admits she stuffs her feelings down deep. And she knows the damage has never been fully addressed. It is being pulled out now, and she is scared.

Yeah. Wish I had been able to. I had to talk, to cry, to blog. It was, and is, such agony. And the fact that Rog didn’t cut contact with Leanne, and did go and fuck her again two years later, just about killed me.

I am still completely furious and perplexed that a former betrayed spouse can’t see what she did to me. When I begged her to stop, that I needed three months to talk to Rog, to sort out why the hell he did this without leaving me, without telling me he thought he was done. Why he couldn’t keep his promise to wait for me to finish my Masters…I loved him. I told her point blank we had not separated. I had no idea he was internet dating!

Why???

Why believe the fucking cheater???

Why hurt me?

Why no empathy for the lies told to me???

I’ll never understand how you live with that.

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