My daughter just tagged her childhood bestie in a social media post.
She was the youngest of four. We were really great friends with her parents. Our eldest was in between their two close-in-age first and second daughters, and was friends with both, especially the younger of the two.
The third child was a boy, the same age, and our son’s best mate.
A couple of years before my first D-Day, this apparently loved up couple (they were so much fun together, she totally adored him, for sure) suddenly split.
We, their friends, were all super shocked.
Turned out (yawn, how sick of this are we now, people?) Mr was fucking around. Apparently he was a chubby chaser…
Mrs took off for her hometown, the kids were furious, and Mr has little to no contact with them ever since.
The reason I wrote this post is that I see the youngest, my youngest’s friend whom she tagged, has changed her surname to her mother’s.
I’ve always thought it odd that we continue to name our children mostly for their fathers.
When mine were born, I seriously wanted to give them my surname. I just saw so many divorces with deadbeat dads. Who had little to do with their kids. But because Rog had “so graciously” reunited with me, I deferred to his surname for our firstborn.
Don’t get me wrong, there are AMAZING Dads out there. Wonderful, wonderful men. I do know this.
And men who are ‘robbed’ of time with their children by cheating women, etc.
(Dunno how wonderful, but BG messaged his stepdaughter first thing this morning for her birthday. He was her mother’s live out boyfriend for seven years, twenty years ago they started going out. He still stays in their lives. Not like a father, as they have a bio one – who is a meth addict – but as someone who is invested in their lives, cares, and hopes to have some positive input. He loves those kids.)
But so often, the kids stay with, for the larger part of custody, with their mothers.
It just rang true for me. And I’m glad they all have my surname as their middle name. Another link to me.
The pain of cheating fathers is intergenerational. And anyone who denies this has never lived it.