One thing I have learned on this journey to the new me, is that all of that nonsense about forgiveness, basically makes us feel not good enough.
When we don’t feel benevolent towards the OW, that is actually okay.
We don’t have to.
People committed grevious emotional harm on us.
I have been labelled a bitter bunny by Roger.
Lots of let it go. How can you live and love like that?
Well, ask BG. He’s on a lads’ golf weekend and breaking all the rules by messaging me constantly, sending pics, telling me he loves and misses me. Cute. Not even drunk yet, lol. It’s been one of our longer periods apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that jazz. He’s not normally a lovey dovey gushy ILY type. Apparently my bitter bunniness hasn’t affected my ability to be a kind person. To love my boy, my family and my friends, and be loved right back.
I have come to a place where I know that it’s okay not to feel benevolent to people who harmed me greatly.
Like the linked post says, forgiveness is not the way away from trauma.
And you sure as shit can’t force it.
Not “forgiving” in a traditional sense serves a protective purpose.
A darling friend in Sydney has found this out recently. She’s the sweetest girl. My oldest friend, J’s little sister. Her partner left her for a ho-worker. And E looked to be all perfect ex, kind and sweet about and to the OW.
She tells me the last few months she has instinctively started to unforgive. Five years later. She realises some things are unforgivable, and that is okay. It is about creating and enforcing boundaries. Making sure we are no one else’s future doormats.
I don’t feel the weight of it, as I was told by Rog that I do. I feel lighter for not “having” to forgive, failing at that, too.