I met one of BG’s oldest friends this weekend. She came to give him a hand with his biggest weekend of the year. Where they turnover about 4 times their next biggest weekend’s takings.
Nikki is an ex cop, who has had an interesting life. A very spiritual person. They flatted together as young school leavers, and have remained friends for nearly 40 years.
Apparently she told BG that I was the one. That she loved how I look at him, and how he responds to who I am. How he looks at me, and is constantly seeking me out. That she has never seen him like this, and it suits him.
I have reined myself in with this man. He’s not Roger, and I don’t know him in my soul. So I’ve protected my heart as much as I am capable of.
But Nikki, a pragmatic woman, said she loved my sparkle (that word again!) And how I am deep, and passionate. Not surface and fake (like Chrissy, the pretty, petite, fake tanned, fake breasted older woman he last loved.)
I admit, it’s odd meeting these old friends. You know you are being vetted! And you are aware that your true self is what needs to be noted.
It’s hard. Because I’m deep and passionate.
And I love deeply and passionately. And Monday morning lovemaking was deep and passionate.
I hate him leaving.
But this is the life I have now. Completely transformed from an easy, just do it life, to one where I anxiously second guess everything I do.
That’s the trouble with loving deeply and passionately.
You get hurt.