This burnout is affecting me.
I slept little the last two nights.
This morning, around 3am, I lay listening. The ocean was roaring. I got up and walked the dogs down to the surf club. And sat as they explored the beach, listening to the roar, hearing the waves crashing.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Rog coming at me. Blackened eyes. Hands around my throat, as I lay underneath him. Definitely a semi flashback to the night I confronted him about Trinket being in my home, against the legal order, and him lying through his teeth when I had evidence she stayed the night in my home.
I still feel sick at the intrusion.
Who does that???
Who sleeps with a partnered man, in the mother of his children’s home. In her bed???
And the stuff of my nightmares.
Between Trinket and Leanne, the trauma still rises.
I used to think it would disappear, eventually.
It never will. Trauma sits in your body.
I’ve got stomach issues at the moment. To go with the ulcers and coldsores. Which have now migrated to my cheek. My face is a scabby mess.
Today, I’m going to have to address my burnout AGAIN with my boss. She obviously didn’t hear me the first time.
I hate this stuff. Makes me feel incapable.