Remember my friend, L?
My sweet mate who sadly followed me down this awful path. A cheating husband.
Who cheated again after a devastating affair several years before. He left her for his new Schmoopie, during our Level 4 lockdown in April/May 2020.
L has struggled, but unlike me, it wasn’t about losing her love. Her person. She didn’t love him anymore. But she did stay, and did expect renewed fidelity and honesty going forward. Her struggle has been financial (he earned at least 6 times what she does) and finding a new life path.
And she has been incredibly gracious. Never bad mouthing him, keeping in touch with his family when they wanted that, and encouraging the kids to stay in touch with him. They have all decided they are not very interested in him. They have two still at university, and the eldest is an engineer, and he and his partner live nearby. The two younger kids have a small amount of contact, both are at universities in the South Island. The middle is a 4th year med student, youngest, 2nd year engineeering student. Med student has a partner down there. Youngest comes home every holidays. Daddy Dearest met him at a mall last holidays, and he was home again an hour and a half later! L thought they were gonna hang out and do stuff together.
Nope. Quick bite to eat in a food hall. Home.
A couple of weekends ago, during the international rugby test in her city, he drunk texted their daughter. Told her he has a form of leukemia.
But that her mother didn’t want them to know.
She screenshotted the conversation and sent to to her mother. “WTF? Is this true?”
L was calm, but utterly FURIOUS.
“Yes. He has had this for ten years. It’s manageable, not terminal at any point so far. He gets checked and tested regularly. Oh, and BTW, he didn’t want to tell you guys. I did! But I respected his wishes.”
It got better. Apparently his recent bloods were the best they have been the whole time, and he now only needs annual checkups with his specialist, not six monthly. FFS.
Daughter rang him and yelled at him to stop being such an attention whore. Stop with the constant sad sausage bullshit, Dad! You left. This is your choice! And you did it in such a shitty way. During lockdown, when I couldn’t even go and be with my mother, to comfort her, while you were getting your knob polished by Schmoopie! You arsehole!
Sad sausage reply, “oh yeah, I guess the timing wasn’t great. But I only stayed for you kids.”
Daughter hung up on him.
I asked L if she has ever told them about the previous affair.
And for the first time, she smirked. “I’m keeping that card to play as a trump if I ever need to one day.”
She has not played games. Nor been angry or bitter. More a bit beaten down.
Next, she said, “I NEVER want to speak to that POS ever again.”
That’s a first.
She’s been so reasonable. So kind.
It’s a turning point. She’s found her backbone. And I get it. It takes some time, some healing.
I always thought I’d always be best friends with Roger. No matter what. But these guys…they just cannot see things from any other perspective than their wandering dicks. K, L’s ex, has cheated before. Several times. I’m fairly sure he’s never been cheated on.
Roger was apparently cheated on, but still couldn’t relate to what he did to my psyche. I often wonder how he’d be if I did what he did to me, to him.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that he wouldn’t care.
He never loved me like I loved him.