When I had lived with Rog, oh, maybe a year or so, he told me he had seen me and lusted after me as a much younger girl.
I was really, really surprised.
We both grew up in the same small town. I didn’t remember him at all. He would have gone to the same school I did, for a few months. He left, to go farming, after what would have been my first few months of high school. His next sister up in age, I do remember, as she is only 13 months older than him, and completed high school, leaving at the end of that year.
I had a job, working at a local catering firm, from the age of 15. We could get a full drivers license at that age then, and I had mine as soon as I turned 15. This meant that I occasionally got to drive the van to remote rural halls, doing the food for small country weddings, sometimes on my own. I loved the responsibility, but looking back, I think, wow, my boss did that? Left a 15 year old in charge of the catering for a wedding?
Rog, my Norm, my darling bear, attended a function I was working as a waitress at, with a full team, and he told me he remembered the hot girl (who me? WTF), with the amazing legs and bum, who then turned to him, and he was totally blown away by my eyes. He said I was the sexiest woman he had ever seen.
I never knew.
I don’t recall meeting him then, at 15-16. He would have been about 19-20, I guess. I didn’t really think about boys much, I was too self conscious. And he was “too old” for me to have, even if I did. Besides, I thought I was a plainish teen; petite, with gangly legs, and no boobs. He says he had never seen anyone quite like me. This was what he told me seven or eight years later.
I held that line in my head for the whole time we were together. I thought it was so damn sweet. He noticed me, long before we ever met. Crazy.
But, is this another of his lines? Was that not even a thing?
The heartbreak is very sore tonight. The pain intense. The itch is back. The one I am always conscious of. The one where I need to tell a friend that I am not so safe at the moment.
I will tell L in the morning.