Tearing at the Fabric

Of the space-time continuum

A list of the things he didn’t do to help me heal

4 Comments

A list of what to do to help the person you cheated on heal from your treachery, by LBH.

Every time I see advice to cheaters, who profess their sorrow, confusion and apologies for having affairs, about what they should do to help with healing, I just see a shopping list of the things Roger refused to do to help me heal.

And he then growled at me for not “letting it go.”

How could I?

He was not proving his dedication, trustworthiness, or genuine remorse.

He never read anything about affairs. Why they happen. What to do when your betrayed is crumpled on the floor on agony. How to find a counsellor. I went to dozens of therapy appointments (because I was the one with the problem, right?) He didn’t change his number or block her. He still took his phone to the toilet. He didn’t make me feel safe anywhere.

Two to ten years.

Read that again!

TWO to TEN years.

That is normal when you have been betrayed by your person. Your love. Your life. The person you trusted more than any other human.

It takes two to ten years to heal. I can’t emphasize that enough. A long, supposedly loving partnership. An awful trust explosion. My friendships. My homes. They were all tainted. I trusted no one. It takes a LONG time to heal from that shit.

He was lying to me whilst online shopping for a new wife appliance. He fucked the original AP again two years into wreckovery. He was chatting to women online for at least two years prior to my thesis submission – the research and hard work of which, felt like healing to me. I still can’t get over how many damn text messages there were when I went through his phone bill, for just that year. Eight months. Over twelve thousand. To just about half a dozen numbers. His harem of women. I’d hate to think what other apps he was using. I imagine the dating apps themselves, and I know WhatsApp was the weapon of choice with Trinket. It is mind blowing.

I just had a wee cry in the office bathroom. Recalling my poor youngest’s ordeal.

Going to visit him for the first time. After not speaking to him for over a year after she witnessed the fallout of him knocking me unconscious at home, and his open emotional abuse and eventual discard of his most loyal supporter, me. She agreed to go see him.

With the proviso that his AP cunt was not there.

She’d been there all day, and he started cooking dinner (he cooks???!!!)

Then, he said, something along the lines of cuntface will be here shortly.

She told me she then picked up her car keys and said, okay, I’m driving home then.

He had tried to bulldoze over her boundary.

He ended up calling that whore and turning her around, she was halfway to his house.

I mean, did Trinket not then think, hang on, these kids know I’m a whore? Shit, he’s lied to me.

Nope.

This is who I loved. A man who made his own rules up. He’d bring people home all the time. I just dealt with it, put some extra veggies on, etc.

They were almost always women, especially when the kids were young. I just thought he was friends with them. I have platonic male friends.

Ugh. See, mirroring my own values onto him.

I can’t stress enough how debilitating him cheating AGAIN was. It was FAR worse this time. I mean, the first discovery seemed awful. But there was shock involved. And it’s almost a case of, oh, he didn’t know how much this would hurt me.

Doing it again was just downright abusive and cruel. He knew damn well how much it would hurt. How hard I fought to heal from what he did. Nothing to do with me. His choices destroyed me.

Just as,this commenter puts it…

4 thoughts on “A list of the things he didn’t do to help me heal

  1. No words can really express all the hurtful things he did to you and your family.

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